dreams are limited by reality.

goood bye.

2009-01-24T23:44:00.008-05:00

byebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebyebye

[edited]
feb 27 2009

find me if you can.

[edited]
march 8th 2009

fuck this shit.

the bad the good the nasty the down right blunt shit
www.sweetsourcherry.blogspot.com

Myself.

2008-10-19T23:17:00.003-04:00

I have to live with myself and so,
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I dont want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.
I want to go out with head erect.
I want to deserve all men's respect.
But here is this struggle for fame and self,
I want to be able to like myself,
I don't want to look at myself and know
That i'm bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can fool myself, and so
Whatever happens, i want to grow
More able to be more proud of me,
Self-respecting and conscience free.
- anonymous.

Something i found while at Barnes and Nobles today.(:

phrase of the year.

2008-10-05T21:57:00.004-04:00

"Trust is a luxury I can't afford
Betrayal's something that I can't ignore "
-Cormega

1 2 3 4 - feist

2008-10-05T21:50:00.003-04:00

life is currently blissful.
i over complain too much
when all i needed was just some friendly herbs=)

and family<3

the red jumpsuit apparatus - "face down"

2008-09-23T21:32:00.009-04:00

i miss you.

I'm too fucking optimistic about everything.
ugh im such a stupid fuck.
i trust everyone.
fucking moron.

I need to leave soon.

ajsfeoij39fj 93jfcllad a;foj vikafok 2qiekosf qoj UGGGH.

you can't buy me off bitch pleassee

99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

2008-09-21T01:25:00.010-04:00

Song- SUM41"walking disaster"

Ugh i don't even know right now. Fucking 99 problems yo. Life so frustrating and im trying my best to make it so much more than what it is. Everything so fake. Everything so black and white. I don't know what makes sense. I can't even think. I can't even breathe. All i do know, is what i feel.. and even that's confusing. No one understands and that so frustrating when you can't let out how you feel to people who have no clue. They think they get it when really its just an exuse to finish your story. Just to seem like they give a shit what your going to say. In the end everyone has their own opinion. I guess thats why we barely get along nowadays. They make it so hard to talk to them. I miss the days i could just run to my mom and tell her whats bothering me. Now I cringe everytime i hear her. Probably my sister knows, because she expirences them everyday and she is the one person that really gets me. Things i do, the things that other people around me do, it's so boring, so stupid i don't understand why I even give a fuck, why fucking pointless shit even matter. I hate this artifical world. I fucken hate the society i live in, yet im still living it cus time seems to wonder and they'res nothing better to do but die slowly. Home, school, family. Together makes my 99 problems. Only thing i do enjoy is the company of pinsans. Other than that i have no real friends..so no real problems there & thats being very honest with myself. ~~Well there is probably just one. & its cus she actually tries and shows she cares. & i honestly love her for that. Even if we never see each other, I hope i don't lose that friendship for a long time.~~ I wanted lifetime friendships, thats why i caredd so deeply about everyone -- how gay is that.-- as if whatever happened to them happened to me. I just feel like im in the wrong place, wrong time, wrong people. I figure i drop the close act cus things are seriously not what they are, atleast to me. That's why i only put up with people i think are genuinely there. I am trying so hard to treasure what's close to me that it's actually making me look bad? wtf is that shit. Plus, no point in trying if its a one man job. Honestly i keep thinking of all the shit i keep putting myself in. How much im just hurting myself. Hurting my health. Hurting my family. Yet i keep doing this shit over and over again. Honestly, my parents are right, i am stupid who thinks they actually know shit and makes the most stupid mistakes. Time and time again. Senior year is fucking awesome. Definitely smoking abundant this year.

Why do i even bother? cus i guess thats just how i am.
Everyone is so overrated. People are stupid.
And i am just like everyone of them.
I am my worst enemy.

I want my restart button please.

i'll get you my pretty - Asteria

2008-09-14T22:38:00.004-04:00

Life been rad. I earned about $60 this weekend with the garage sale. SPENDING MONEY! lmao I seriously love the weekends. They're all i ever look forward to. Weekdays are a drag, waking up excited that each day is closer to Saturdays. I hate how far most of my pinsans live. I also hate how busy they get. But its alll worth it, missing each other makes it even more exciting when we are together. I'm super excited for December to roll by! SNOWBOARDiNG IN POCANOS! YES! Talk about fun fun fun. SNOW SNOW SNOW!

Hmms, i havent wrote a serious blog in like forever. I've finally got a book to replace my old journals, so im writing most of my thoughts there. I hardly go online nowadays, and i hope it stays like this. It's irritating, and so time comsuming. Like right now im suppose to finish my AlgII homework but i just go my laptop fix and i decided to visit the myspace and bloggershit.

Hmms...

I swear i had so much to say. But i guess not. My mind is blank, maybe its the music.. or maybe not. Things are all jumbled up and i cant get things straight. I had something to say.. but oh well, things are just better left unsaid.

Fuck communications.
It's just all bullshit and im tired of living here pretending i give a shit.

I FUCKING LOVE YOU DAWWWG!

2008-09-08T17:46:00.004-04:00

LOL im too fucking lazy to upload and wait for their pics so yeah. i missss a whole lot more people but whee. all im excited is for the weekends! <333

"FUUUUCK EMPTY PLASTICS!!" =) deng homie i just can't wait for all the following events!

=))))

2008-09-06T13:49:00.002-04:00

wheee im so fucking excited for today.
lmao people are so funny.
alll to literally.
i cant waaaaait till November 21!
i loooove my classes.

the count down begins..

umm yup thats alll really wats on my mind.
barely go online now a days. but i'll be back for the pics!

blooowwwn diigggy

2008-09-03T02:36:00.011-04:00

"Call me what u want bitch, call me on my sidekick,
Never answer when it's private,
damn I hate a shy bitch,
don't you hate a shy bitch? Yeh I ate a shy bitch
She ain't shy no more, she changed her name to me bitch,
hahahahahaha, yeah, nigga that's my bitch"

Fuck school. I hope this year won't be such a bitch like last year.
Whaaaatever; i already see bitches lurking!.... runnnnnnnnnnn haha. jk ;] whaaaaaa?

Like omgash totally freaking seriously O.M.G. .. lol ahha no but porilllz porillz.

So basically school starts like a dayyy away.
ACCOMPLISHED!..
My nose pierced!!!whoo-ra-ra-ray-away-ee!
Done everything i can to enjoy every day of summer.
Realizzee my pinsans and fambam got my backk and i truely looove them.
Realizeeee who the fakest bitchesss are in union lmao shh---eiiit. like really.
Also the pussssssy fucking scared ones.
hahahahaha okay i thin im donee.e

uhhh soo yeah 09 i wanna give it up!
knockin out kiddddz im pretty buzzzed right now=) wheeeee. forgive my retarted blog! oooy!

wtf.

2008-08-17T02:28:00.004-04:00

I dont know why im fucking feeling like this. Please let this stop. UGH. My heart is being so fucking stuborn!

yo thank god for my family and pinsans i swear i would've broke down so hard today. THANK YOU GOD for teng coming back. Ughhhhhhhh right now i just feel like crying till my eyes can't produce anymore tears.

just thinking..

2008-08-16T06:38:00.003-04:00

So there this picture that i put in my desktop, it this

It looks so peaceful doesnt it? *sigh.. i wish there was a place i can go just to see this. I'd sit there for hours and just think about life.

You know i think im not afraid to be alone.. I find it rather comfortable and peaceful. I'm more afraid of getting too close to someone. I feel like i cant get hurt if im just by myself. Unattached. Friends W/ Benefits. etc. I rather have it that way than emotionally locked. I can't risk being hurt again. I'd die before i let someone get a hold of me like he did. Yet im preaching to others how much i still believe in real love and how to believe you should have a "special only someone" when im like playing out these two guys. Ugh I hate hypocrites and i'm just like one of the worst ones! I don't really know where im going with this.. but i just wanted to saay wat was on my mind. So yeah bye.

august 14

2008-08-14T18:35:00.003-04:00

song; jordan sparks -next to you<33

happy birthday father!

I hope my dad likes the card and sugar free Hersey Chocolate he loves that i gave him. My mom so weird, she got him a foot spa tool, and i have a feeling IM going to use it more than anyone in the house. Its soo amazying! Its like a vibrator for your feeeet! yumm. haha jk. It's really awesome tho.

So summer is like less than 3 weeks away. Thats some crazy shit. haha. Time flies. Damn I'm already a senior and it only feels like yesterday i was freshman. Now me and trixia are both going to the same school haha weird. Im glad in my last year of highschool trixia going to be there. Anyways enough with fucking school.. I have so much to still do before this summer ends.

Summer to still FUCKING do.
-Sleepover at teng's.
-Sixflags/Katy Perry&TYGA show (oh i hope!)
-Haircut/eyebrows! [ew their so THICK & DISGUSTING!]
-Beach
-Nose pierce
-New York again
-Hoboken
-Cocktail party
-Normal House party
-Summer ending party
-Girls Dinner
-Biking [loves it! its absolutely refreshing to go early in the morning!]
-A blunt per day til school starts! hah.
-GO TO FUCKING AC MOORE AND BUY THE DAMN STRINGS ALREADY FOR THE FUCKING BRACELETS.
-Barnes and Noble for like the 100th time

All in all this summer wasn't bad. I had one of the most happiest and fun times this summer and i really can't complain. It was a blast!

not july no more.

2008-08-03T03:37:00.001-04:00

i hate how immature i was back then.
i hate how immature i still am.

i keep on making the wrong choices.
story of my life.

summer blues.

2008-08-01T02:14:00.003-04:00

song-"thats not my name" by the tings tings

SO i'm currently missing Khrislane Sitchon.
ughh !!!!!!!!!!!!@#@!#%#!#

thats all i gotta say for now.

BANGBANGBABY!

2008-07-29T08:01:00.003-04:00

song- "disturbia" rihanna

Summer so far aint as bad as it was last year.
god damn so much shit to do still and aint alotta $$$$.
i hate how money controls everything.
ugh.

hey but i heard there going to dig up some oil around sandy hook and new jersey might actually get richer! hoorah! andd boohooo! its bad for our enviroment but hella wonderful for our wallets!

two faces; july twenty six

2008-07-26T02:18:00.005-04:00

song currently on- "she so lovely" scouting for girls.
mood- blahblahblah

I think everyone in this world has two faces. Two personalities. I see it everyday with love ones, friends, etc.. There's the personality that holds the dark side of humans. That is easily shown by people everyday. I think thats the common face people have now a days. I see it when i hear people talk about negative things, who always rush with life without noticing how amazing it could be, who say spiteful things and being extremely rude and unthoughtful without even noticing it and sometimes it could get even more ugly with hate and violence. This is so easy to carry on because you could just but the blame onto others and never yourself.
I have my moments with this face on.

And then there was the other face. The other personality that holds the good in people. The personality that holds the thoughtfulness, sweetness, caring, loving and genuine(ness)? -hahah- yeah of people. I see this in some but not alot, or is it that i notice the other side more? I wish i could be this face all the time. I dont know how people could always be angry. I think it hurts too much. But i guess i was never that hurt in my life to get so angry, to be filled with hate. They must be living in their own hell. Ahh I talking out of my ass right now its like three in the morning and im getting hella sleepy and theres like literally four parties tomorrow.

Anyways i like to believe people do have 2 faces, because every bitch is an angel and every angel is its own devil. lol. right? maybe? .. or not? haha i think so!

HAha anyway here is a picture of two faces lmao it was the only ones i could find in like 2 mins! im tired! so enjoy.

damn, he gots some MEAT!

2008-07-22T03:12:00.002-04:00

So i recently watched a movie with my sister called "Fear" starring Reese Witherspoon and Mark Wahlberg. Let me tell you this movie got me mesmerized. Mark Wahlberg, during that time.. had such an incredible body haha. Minus his man boobs he was sucha cutie. Reese Witherspoon has again impressed me with another amazing performance. Thats why she is one of my favorite actress. I love so many of her old movies especially "The man on the Moon."

"worry about it later" the futureheads

2008-07-21T23:40:00.004-04:00

Amazing how little but big of a difference one week can make? So many things has happen since I've been back. I have so many crazy emotions right now. Everything is all jumbled up in my head that i cant even write straight. I wanna burst out laughing and i keep smiling thinking about randoms things thats been going on. I feel genuinely happy. Im trying to take advantage as much as i can right now, cus i know soon this feeling will fade. I guess you can say its like being high, i guess im high on life right now! & i dont want to burn out just yet! Right now i love summer. Im with the people i should be with. No question about it. Im having fun, im being happy and the best part, i have the greatest people around me with it!

I want my nose pierce!

2008-06-21T16:20:00.005-04:00

Okay, sorry if i butcherd the song but lol i like how my nose looked. I know i look like a hot mess, got no make up on and my voice was awful haha. BUT LOOK AT MY NOSE and tell me which side should i have it pierce?! left or right? haha This is my summer goal, & i will get it pierced.

Khrislane silly Video

2008-06-19T01:58:00.008-04:00

haha so i don't know how long im going to have this up cus ms khrislane doesnt even know im putting this up =P but enjoy it while you still can.

This is random videos she toke in a matter of 2 hours.. and TRUST me when i say there is so so much more <3hehehe

peace&love!<3

Crying isnt a sign of weakness.

2008-06-16T04:12:00.000-04:00

Random midnight thoughts

I hate how i'm always looking for something every time i step out of my house. No matter where i go, i can't help but anticipate for something different or someone to save me from myself. I feel like im wasting my days away. Living but not really. I wish i could say that i'm happy where i am and that my heart feels content, but then i'd just be lying... And every time i do feel like im happy, im just kidding myself cus really, im not. I'm just suffocating myself even more, a show for people. To never expect how terribly weak i am. I don't deserve that happiness. I feel so selfish and asking why is he so unfair? why.. did things turn out like this. Why can't i have someone beside me to cry about this to? But then i think about how greedy i'm being. I have so much love around me that i take it for granted. I know whats gonna happen to me in the future and it stings my heart when i confront my self about it. So i joke to my self saying "Its okay, i'll be better." But at the end of the day, its always hunting me like a shadow that follows when the sun starts to set. Its so frustrating, everyday im enduring it little by little, and it just seems to get even more lonely. But everyone is alone, right? That word is something i believe a lot of people are afraid of. Cus even the most adored person in the world is lonely. Thats why we do these blogs, to try to reach out to someone.. To express ourselves, to share, or let frustrations go. It's even much more than a relationship type. All anyone really needs is a good friend. A great solid friend. Can i know where mine is at? Or did i already left it behind?

I wanna live honestly, with my heart open to anyone who is willing to come in. People around me are so afraid to speak about how they feel or what's on their mind. Its frustrating cus how can you really know a person until you let them in and get them to see you, the REAL you, bad and good? This is when i really hate the damn internet. It's a chance for people to bring walls up and leave things unsettled. A protection for others, not even a way to let stress out, but more to avoid confronting it.

Yes i do talk about people, I'm human and i'd rather judge a hundred people then ever say something about myself cus in reality i'd probably hate myself the most. I'm not trying to be anything, because i don't even know who i am. Till this day, i get surprised about things i like and things i don't like. I'm still searching who i am. What i wanna do, and where i wanna be and at the same time trying to understand other people.

I have fallen in love. I've fallen for living. I love how life brings you so much tears but during the right time, even a small time, it gives you THAT bit of happiness that makes you wanna try hard to continue living for that simple happiness. I love how frustrating things get, or how simple it could be. I love how you could never know what its gonna bring you, surprise you or even let you down. I even love those moments where you can't stand life itself. But what i love most is how in every corner in life, it has it's moment of being incredibly amazing.

I wish i wasn't lazy cus maybe... I could've been something.
haha just maybe.

So yeah. random midnight thoughts that ended up around 1, while i have 2 major exams in the morning. lol I love how much my mind gets distracted easily. peace&love!<3

Thankfuckingful.

2008-06-07T15:07:00.000-04:00

Thank God junior year is ending.
Thank you for the hard lesson learn type shit.
Thank you for the family&pinsans that loves me
and never made me feel alone typeshit.
Thank you for the friends that where there type shit,
the ones that didnt bring bullshit.
& thank you for gabriel, without him i'd prolly hate the world.

& thanks for the negative people in my life type shit.
Without you i know nothing about my own views.

Smiling is like an everyday type shit.
especially if you don't give a damn about others and their shits!

Easter not so great.

2008-03-24T17:25:00.003-04:00

My easter weekend was a crap.
Good Friday was a bad day, and easter Sunday was even worse.
The only thing great this weekend was Saturday with these kiddos.....

whoa baby, my hair and every thing else was bugging that day and i woke up after a long nap from work.
Hehe they are like one of the very few people i could stand nowaday. Loveee<3

Hii.

2008-03-11T22:51:00.000-04:00

Yes im starting new here. Lol i like the name. Sorry im very indecisive. uhh yeah buhhbye.