99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

Song- SUM41"walking disaster"

Ugh i don't even know right now. Fucking 99 problems yo. Life so frustrating and im trying my best to make it so much more than what it is. Everything so fake. Everything so black and white. I don't know what makes sense. I can't even think. I can't even breathe. All i do know, is what i feel.. and even that's confusing. No one understands and that so frustrating when you can't let out how you feel to people who have no clue. They think they get it when really its just an exuse to finish your story. Just to seem like they give a shit what your going to say. In the end everyone has their own opinion. I guess thats why we barely get along nowadays. They make it so hard to talk to them. I miss the days i could just run to my mom and tell her whats bothering me. Now I cringe everytime i hear her. Probably my sister knows, because she expirences them everyday and she is the one person that really gets me. Things i do, the things that other people around me do, it's so boring, so stupid i don't understand why I even give a fuck, why fucking pointless shit even matter. I hate this artifical world. I fucken hate the society i live in, yet im still living it cus time seems to wonder and they'res nothing better to do but die slowly. Home, school, family. Together makes my 99 problems. Only thing i do enjoy is the company of pinsans. Other than that i have no real friends..so no real problems there & thats being very honest with myself. Well there is probably just one. & its cus she actually tries and shows she cares. & i honestly love her for that. Even if we never see each other, I hope i don't lose that friendship for a long time. I wanted lifetime friendships, thats why i caredd so deeply about everyone -- how gay is that.-- as if whatever happened to them happened to me. I just feel like im in the wrong place, wrong time, wrong people. I figure i drop the close act cus things are seriously not what they are, atleast to me. That's why i only put up with people i think are genuinely there. I am trying so hard to treasure what's close to me that it's actually making me look bad? wtf is that shit. Plus, no point in trying if its a one man job. Honestly i keep thinking of all the shit i keep putting myself in. How much im just hurting myself. Hurting my health. Hurting my family. Yet i keep doing this shit over and over again. Honestly, my parents are right, i am stupid who thinks they actually know shit and makes the most stupid mistakes. Time and time again. Senior year is fucking awesome. Definitely smoking abundant this year.

Why do i even bother? cus i guess thats just how i am.
Everyone is so overrated. People are stupid.
And i am just like everyone of them.
I am my worst enemy.

I want my restart button please.